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When you’re a separated or divorcing parent, chances are you’re concerned about the kids if you or your spouse were to move out of the home.
To help ease the transition for kids, more divorcing parents are considering a parenting time arrangement called “nesting” instead of moving the kids between two separate residences.
Nesting is when the kids stay in the marital home and each spouse takes turns moving in and out. Before deciding on a nesting arrangement, however, here are 5 things you need to consider:
- Nesting generally works best when both parents trust each other and can communicate respectfully.
- Nesting can risk giving kids an inaccurate message that you are working on reconciliation. Kids tend to fantasize and wish for their parents to work things out and get back together. Both of you would need to explain to your children that nesting does not mean you will get back together and is temporary.
- Both parents are to be willing to respect each other’s privacy.
- Nesting often makes it difficult for either parent to enter a serious relationship, which can become awkward when nesting.
- Parents might invade each other’s personal space, leave a mess, or fail to purchase certain groceries.
It’s not uncommon for divorcing parents to draw the kids into such conflicts by questioning them on what happened when the other parent was with them or pointing out the other parent’s deficiencies.
Any of this can have significant adverse consequences for kids’ emotional health. That’s why it’s so important to have a detailed custody and parenting time agreement that spells out details that include:
- When the nesting period will end and a specific schedule as to when each parent is in the home;
- Depending on the ages of your kids, the schedule for such things as homework, activities, meals, and medical needs;
- Which parent is responsible for which household chores; for example, who pays the bills and from which funds or who mows the lawn?
- Which spaces are considered each parent’s private space and what happens if one or both parents begin dating? Is his or her partner allowed to spend the night?
It’s important to carefully consider whether or not a nesting arrangement is right for both you and your spouse, and of course, your kids.
To help you decide, it’s generally best to consult with an experienced mental health professional as well as your attorney about any potential legal consequences.
Your attorney can also work with you to draft an effective custody and parenting time agreement. The right agreement would protect your interests and facilitate the well being of your children during what can be a tumultuous time.
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