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As social distancing continues and anxiety increases about the future, close relationships are especially important to our emotional and physical well-being.
Likewise, maintaining connections with those most important to us – Spouses, family, friends, bosses, and co-workers – leads to greater happiness and resiliency, with reduced stress and anxiety.
The number one key to improving our relationships and connecting with those most important to us is the quality of our communication.
While it’s common to experience anger in any relationship, the key is to make sure we don’t let anger damage the relationship.
It’s therefore important to manage our emotions when communicating with the people most important to us. Obviously, this is much easier said than done. Managing your emotions really just means (1) becoming aware of the emotion (like rising anger) before reacting; (2) calming down; and (3) responding intentionally.
For instance, according to the best seller Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High, as you feel a rush to fight or flee, pause and notice if you are trying to win or prove you’re right in that moment.
At times, you might experience a sort of emotional “flashback.” For instance, your boss points his finger at you to make a point, which forcibly brings up your father doing the same when you were a child.
You might not even recall the memory; you only realize you’re experiencing an overwhelmingly strong negative reaction. In either case, it’s your signal to stop before you react and just take that breath. Or you might excuse yourself until you’re calmer.
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom”. — Viktor Frankl.
It’s also common to avoid saying anything at all when we become angry with someone. But the more you avoid, the more your emotions bottle up. And the more likely you might explode or “cope” by turning to any type of unhealthy distractions or addictions.
At the same time, medical resources show that when we try to hide or ignore emotions, they go deep within and can cause ulcers, back pain, and any number of illnesses.
Therefore, if you’re feeling angry at someone, it’s important to take a pause and first recognize you might not have all the facts.
When you’re genuinely committed to keeping your relationships close and strong, you become much more motivated to manage your emotions.
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