5 Empowering Actions to Take Right Now to Save Time and Money in Divorce

You might be reluctant to initiate the divorce process or a necessary change to your divorce agreement where circumstances have changed.

You might not know who to call or where to find information.  It can be even more frustrating when you want to keep such details of your personal life private. 

You might also be hesitant to start with lawyers who you might believe will make the situation worse.

It’s perfectly understandable.  After all, as the saying goes, “the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t know.  Other idiomatic expressions like “don’t rock the boat” or “let sleeping dogs lie” might pop into your mind.

Instead of resigning yourself to living with the status quo, I challenge you to push those self-defeating thoughts aside and take these 5 empowering actions:

  1. Speak directly with your spouse or ex to resolve the issues.

You might not have considered initiating any such conversation, though with the right attitude, you can save much money and aggravation in the long run.  Get started by first getting into a collaborative mindset and expect to succeed. 

  1. Get clear on what you want to achieve.

First identify the issues to be resolved.  Do you need to establish a custody and parenting time arrangement?  Or how to divide up the marital assets?  Start with the issues that are easier to resolve.  This will help to create momentum before addressing more emotional hot-button issues. 

Also know your underlying interests.  Do you want to make sure that the children consistently spend time with both parents?  Do you want to keep you pension?

  1. Listen to understand.

Approach your spouse or former spouse and open up the conversation.   Refrain from starting with “we need to talk.”  This will more than likely raise defense mechanisms and sound alarm bells.

Ensure that you communicate regularly towards solutions.  Don’t allow communication to break down completely.  Instead, if one or both of you become emotional, take some time off to regroup and agree to speak again at mutually convenient time.

Much conflict stems from misinterpreting what the other person is trying to say.  First, listen carefully so that you accurately understand what your spouse or ex is trying to say.   Repeat back what you heard until you get it right.  Once you’ve validated his or her perspective, yours is far more likely to be received. 

  1. Ask a mutually trusted third party to serve as a go-between.

 If communication becomes too difficult and non-productive, consider asking a relative or close friend who both trust to informally mediate.

  1. Educate yourself.

Speak with at a few lawyers or mediators that you can trust.  Find out the best resolution process for you, with or without involving the court, and viable options for resolving the issues.

Please share this article with those you believe would find it particularly useful.   Thank you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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